Leave some space

Many times we think that we need to be doing something all the time in order to be productive or just to prevent wasting our time. But even so, every so often we think we don’t have enough time or that we haven’t done enough.

What if the thing we haven’t done enough is to not do anything? The thing you’re worried about not having had time to do might just be that you haven’t taken your time to be still, to think, to not think, or to just enjoy being.

I bet there are hundreds of things in your head that you’d like to have time to process, but so many things are left untouched because you don’t have any time for your brain to work with what’s already in it.

When I ride the bus, the train or the subway, I barely see anyone without a phone in their hand, checking up on mail, communities, talking to someone somewhere else or playing games. People are desperately trying to fill out the ’empty’ time  while going somewhere.

Once in a while just try to consciously do nothing when riding the bus or the subway ( or at other times as well! ). Just be still, see if there are something you want to just think about, or just be, without thinking about anything. It’s strangely refreshing and your brain will probably like the time off from all the constant focus shifts that it has to withstand every day.

Spend some time with focus on yourself, just being aware of yourself, how your body feels, how your mind feels. Many times we’re so busy doing things that we don’t understand what we really need or that we’re getting stressed. Maybe you’re having trouble sleeping because you’re stressed without even knowing it or because your head is whirling with thoughts.

By being still and quiet you can sometimes realize that something’s going on inside you, and that you might be able to fix it before it blooms, or think through things so you don’t do it the time just before you fall asleep. When being still and quiet, you may also come up with ideas and solutions that you wouldn’t have otherwise because you were too busy doing something.

Try to leave some space. Sometimes the most productive thing to do is to do nothing at all.

Will is not All

You cannot change your reality with your will.

You can only adapt yourself, you actions and your mindset toward it.

When you realize this, a lot (but maybe not all) of your anger, irritation, and thoughts of unfairness towards you will dissolve.

You will realize what you need to do, and do it, and do it without feeling annoyed about having to do something. The reality is as it is. It’s not good, it’s not bad, it just is. And you have to face it. All the time. Every day. All you can do is adapt, and take action if needed.

On Silence

Enjoy being. Being present.

I used to have music in my ears at all time except for when talking to other people. Really, to and from the bus I used my mp3-player. On the bus I used it. At work, school, home, in the car. The times when I just got to work and realized I’d forgotten my mp3-player or my ear phones, my day was ruined! I mean, who can work a full day without listening to music?

Well, I can now. And I even prefer to do it without music (at least my current job).

Since I started to actively trying to get to learn myself better, and be more present, the need for constant distraction has reduced greatly. I focus on what I do, and wether I have music or not while doing it doesn’t really matter any more. Being present in silence is spending time on yourself, whatever you’re doing. And also my ability to be present and focused increase  when I’m not distracted by music and sounds.

I write this even though I love music. I’ve played in several bands and I’ve been to lots of live shows, but there’s a time for music, and there’s a time for silence. My default mode has switched from listening to music to listening to and enjoying silence. Of course I still listen to music, but when I do, I put on music to listen to it, not to keep it as background noise, as a distraction.

The few times I get home by driving a car, when I stop outside the house and turn off the car, the silence is almost magical. It’s so intense and calming. It’s just you, coming home after a probably lively day (or just from having spent some time in a noisy car), and silence. I sit and breath deeply for a while before I get out, almost as getting ready to face the world again. But actually, I’m almost more present in the world in the silence and presence within the quiet car because there are so few distractions.

I believe that many people listen to music all the time during work and on the bus etc. because it feels like you’re a part of ‘it’ that way. That other people are listening to the same thing and that makes you connected to them the moment you also listen to it. It’s just that it doesn’t matter if you listen or not, you’re always part of the world. I think my ability to enjoy time without music has grown from having gotten to know myself better. Simply starting to enjoy spending time alone, or just being. The need for getting feedback that I’m part of ‘it’ is not there anymore.

Try spending some time in silence, intently forget your mp3-player,  try to spend just an hour without music at your work, or ride the bus without your ear phones plugged in! It might be a really pleasant experience! And also, it’s a very, very simple form of enjoying the moment! (And it’s cheap!)

Maybe you too enjoy spending time in silence and being present? Share this post, and feel free to subscribe yourself! And also feel free to follow me on twitter and retweet this post!

Tweet

Communicate mindfully

These days when I’m having a conversation, I do my best to observe myself. What language do I use? Do Isound rude without meaning it? Do I sayunnecessarymocking things without thinking about it? How’s the tone of my voice?

I’ve heard many times that it’s not only the words that speak, and I agree, but if that’s true, you should try to pay attention to the way you speak as well, and don’t hope for the other person to be a mind reader. You probably wouldn’t like that either.

How do you feel when you’re talking to someone? Is it someone you don’t like? Is it someone you don’t know but you’ve heard bad things about? Maybe it’s even someone you’ve liked for a long time, but you’ve started to feel differently about her/him? People tend to say untrue things about others very often, often even without knowing it themselves. Therefor try to get your own picture of the person instead. Your mind also often gets into the bad habit of making you believe things that aren’t true about others, sometimes even without reason. Don’t listen to it, find out the truth yourself!

Another thing is substitutes or the leaving out of common but very handy words, like “thank you” and “you’re welcome“. For example, “good” is not a very good substitute for “thanks”. When you say “good”, you don’t express gratitude to the other person in a way that they probably expect (even though expectations are overrated, don’t expect everyone else to have the same opinion), and the person who did something may get disappointed or sad. It signals that the action done was good, not that the person is appreciated for performing it. I think it’s good not to pay too much attention to what words being said to you (what I mean is the choice of words), but it’s even better to help others to not even having to think about it, by being nice from the start. Try to thank people more! It’s very simple, it contributes to happiness, and it’s a very helpful word!

One way to find out if you despise someone without knowing or thinking about it yourself, is to pay attention when you hear someone speaking about that person, or when thinking about her/him. If you find yourself reacting with one side of your face, like lifting the eyebrow and the corner of your mouth slightly, that’s very often a sign of despise. It can be a very subtle move, but if you pay attention you can find it. And if you do, ask yourself why, and try thinking positively instead.

The more you think negatively of someone, and the more you speak ill of them, even if it’s someone you like and you just speak minor mean or bad things, maybe as a joke, it builds up in your subconsciousness, and eventually you might start despising or disliking the person, maybe even without knowing why.

So, try to have a positive attitude, be nice, not think or speak ill of people, and try to use nice words. Don’t forget “Thank you!” and “You’re welcome!”, and remember: You can’t control what people say to you, but you can control how you react to it!

• Thanks!
• You’re Welcome!
• Observe your speaking
• Observe your thinking
• Be nice
• Sound nice!
• Speak well of others
• Stop bad thoughts from building up

Do you observe yourself while speaking? Do you know anyone that’s really good at speaking nicely? Share this post with them to see what they think, and feel free to subscribe yourself! And also feel free to follow me on twitter and retweet this post! Tweet

The awesome feeling of not worrying

"Deep inside, it's always my time" - Cry of a Restless Soul, Lost Horizon

Yesterday I dropped my wallet. It was about 40 000 yen (about 3000 sek) and my room key in it. I  was just about to enter the supermarket when I took off my bag and opened the outer pocket on my bag. Strangely enough, the wallet wasn’t there, so I searched the other pockets as well but didn’t find it. My thoughts went something like: “Oh well, I guess I dropped it. I’d be nice if the manager was home so I can get into my room when I get back”, and started walking home. My heart didn’t even flinch.

This might sound a bit careless, but really, I feel great about having acted so calmly! 40k yen is quite some money, but worrying wouldn’t have helped me getting them back. If I’d worried, the only thing that would’ve happened is that I’d be poorer AND feel worse. My general thought of the situation were: “I’ll do what I can to get it back, and if I can’t, I’ll just have to live with it”.

When I got home I told some friends in the living room that I’d lost my wallet, one of them checked up the number to the café (excelsior!) where I thought I’d lost it, I contacted them and told them that I’d probably lost my wallet there, and they said they’d look for it. Then I used my friend’s window to cross over the roof over to my window and into my own room, so at least the key didn’t turn out to be a problem!

I fell asleep later that night without a thought about it.

I know many people that wouldn’t have been able to do that, and some people  even told me I was crazy for not worrying about it. But why? Accept the moment as it is, and make the best of it. It’s really the ONLY thing you can do! Even If you worry about it, or if you accept it as it is, it doesn’t change the situation. It’ll be 100% the same either way, except for your mental and physical well-being. And I prefer having my mental and physical well-being in good shape. Accepting the moment doesn’t mean that you just drop it, not trying to change it, not at all. You can do that all you want to fix it (probably even should, if you don’t like it), but with energy and calmness in your mind and heart.

Having a clear mind without stress or worry is probably also gonna help you do the best of the situation. You can think clearer, act clearer, and you can sleep soundly at night, giving you energy enough to fix the problems you might have.

In this case:

• What about the money I would’ve had if I hadn’t dropped it!? – That’s a fantasy future you’ve made up. It’s in your head, and it’s not real. Stop worrying about it.
• But I HAD them! – That’s in the past. It’s not the truth anymore. Drop it, accept the moment as it is and act mindfully and appropriately the way you think will most likely get them back.

In the end, I got my wallet back. I went to the café after school, they remembered me from the phone the day before and returned it to me. I thanked them heartedly and celebrated by getting a coffee. It was really tasty! Even if I hadn’t gotten it back, I’d still be happy for not having worried about it, and for having made my present more important than my past and my fantasy future!

Every moment of your life is your life, moments of awesome and moments of not awesome all the same. Honor all moments of your life by not worrying about moments that are not!

If you feel you can accept the moment and not worry, or if you like the idea of feeling calm and peaceful all the time, feel free to subscribe! And also feel free to follow me on twitter and retweet this post! Tweet